While every year brings with it a smattering of viral ill-conceived “sexy” Halloween costumes, you would think maybe we’d be spared this year. After all, 2020 has been pretty hellacious so far. We’ve had a global pandemic, ongoing national protests over police misconduct, and a blistering presidential election campaign.
And yet, it seems like all the turmoil of 2020 can still be neatly packaged into a raft of “sexy” Halloween costumes (although to the credit of leading “sexy” topical costume-seller Yandy, they did not make a “Sexy COVID” outfit as many feared they would).
It’s kind of comforting, in a way, that these kinds of weird “traditions” go on even when the world seems to be coming down around us. It’s also kind of funny. That’s why we rounded up some of the dumbest “sexy” Halloween costumes 2020 has to offer. No matter what happens, we’ll always be able to laugh.
1. “Sexy” Hand Sanitizer
Nothing says “sexy” like a reminder of the chaos caused by a global pandemic! Remember when you couldn’t even find hand sanitizer? Now you can dress as hand sanitizer! Kind of. This is just a transparent skirt with a unitard that says “hand sanitizer” (I guess a big handpump hat isn’t sexy). Anyway, just be sure to watch out for all the grubby fingered bros who want to get their filthy hands on you.
2. “Sexy” “Dirty City Cop”
Ok, I’m not really sure if they thought this was clever or if they were coyly courting controversy as a marketing ploy. Either way, in a year marked by high-profile police killings (George Floyd, Breonna Taylor) where tens of millions marched against police misconduct and violence, “Dirty City Cop” might not be as sexy as you think. Also this cop (who takes bribes, but like in a sexy way) is disturbingly well-armed.
3. “Sexy” Bored Quarantine Banana Bread
Lol, remember when we were all stuck inside making banana bread because we were bored and now we’re just stuck inside bored? Now you can relive that heady time but a little more… sexy.
Still, I’ve got some questions. First of all, why is Sexy Banana Bread also making banana bread? Is that its baby? (Cute!) Second, why not sourdough starter instead of banana bread? Surely everyone in quarantine has experienced the phenomenon of expanding over time (possibly due to eating banana bread). Give me a sexy lumpy woman overflowing from a jar!
4. “Sexy” Mail-In Ballot
I keep going back and forth on whether this one is truly dumb because on the one hand it’s VERY dumb but on the other hand, it might remind people to vote. I guess what seals the dumbness for me are the strategically placed “I Voted” stickers (“boobies lol”) and the fact that it’s addressed to “Sexy Headquarters.” DO NOT MAIL YOUR BALLOT TO SEXY HEADQUARTERS! I don’t know what they do there, but it’s sure as hell not counting votes.
5. “Sexy” Pride Flag
I’m sorry, but I can’t imagine anyone other than an aggressively straight woman dressing up as a sexy pride flag. Still, allyship is important! I’m not sure this counts as allyship, but it’s at least an allyship-shaped gesture, so not bad but also not great? Points for turning a rectangle of fabric into a sexy costume though!
6. “Sexy” Postal Worker
Add the Sexy Mail-In Ballot to the Sexy Postal Worker and you’ve got a sexy same-sex couples costume! (Sexy Pride Flag is here to show her support.) There’s nothing terribly sexy about the salience of USPS delays during an election where many will be voting by mail, but the outpouring of support for our postal workers is, in fact, pretty hot.
7. “Sexy” Joe Exotic/Tiger King
This isn’t one of those sexy costumes that’s so inscrutable it needs to be labeled like a bad editorial cartoon (I’m looking at you Sexy Hand Sanitizer), but they did it anyway with “Tiger Queen” on the hat. The collar is definitely sexy, but isn’t that for the tigers to wear and not the Queen of Tigers? Confusing!
8. “Sexy” Banned TikTok
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that no one from the TikTok generation will be dressing up as Sexy Banned TikTok. This costume is somehow in its mid-30s. This is a costume for someone desperately clinging to relevancy who’s heard of TikTok and maybe even enjoys TikTok but is not really part of TikTok culture. If you buy this costume it’s time to invest in a facial moisturizer with high SPF.